Crabfish and Hat Pins
by Tirnel
Summary: William disvovering his sexuality enters a theater and falls in love with the main attraction. (AU)


Collar pulled high and hat pulled down low over his eyes, he slipped into the establishment, glancing around worriedly that someone might recognize him. Though what anyone who might recognize him this sort of place would be doing here…

He stepped to the counter to place his coin down and pay for his seat only to be shouldered hard by another patron who was more eager than he pay his admission.

"Move along! Move along!" A man in a bowler hat with a gruff voice shouted to his employees as he tramped about backstage, a young man with fair hair trailing beside him. "Almost time for curtains! Hurry up, you useless sacks of shit!" His hairy hand threw open a dressing room door without knocking, almost startling the redhead within. If he hadn't heard him coming a league away, he would have.

"How many times have I told you to knock?" griped the redhead theatrically as he turned back towards his dressing mirror to apply more rouge to his cheeks. A red silk robe hung off his shoulders.

"How many times have I told you not to wait until five minutes before opening to put yourself together?" the man replied.

Grell ignored his question, glancing in the mirror at the whelp beside Mr. Starkis. "Who's the green?" he asked.

"My new investment, as it were."

Grell let out a barking laugh, tossing down his makeup brush and rummaging through his pots. "You barely pay us as it is and you go and hire a new boy?"

"I pay you a lot more than you're worth." Starkis pointed a sausage finger at the redhead. "Especially now. I don't know if you've noticed, but you ain't exactly been bringing in the crowds like you once did."

"What are you saying exactly?"

"What I'm saying is, iffin you don't start improving, you'll be out on your ear."

"You wouldn't remain much longer without me. Who are you going to replace me with? That boy?" Grell asked mockingly.

"Precisely," Starkis confirmed in a threatening manner. "Someone fresher, someone…younger." Grell whirled in anger, his eyes burning in rage. "Another thing you may not have noticed is, you're not getting any younger. You don't start bringing in the money, you're gone, got it? If you're lucky, I'll sell what little remains of that pretty face to a less refined establishment, if they'll take such an old tired thing. Now get dressed." Starkis grabbed a dress off the screen and threw it at Grell before slamming the door shut.

Grell turned back around and to his dressing table, slamming his fists down. He growled in anger and flung several pots and other items off in anger.

He was having second thoughts, making his way into the auditorium and finding a seat. He sat uncomfortably as he waited in the dim light for the show to begin. It was too late now. He had to know and this was the best way, he figured, to find out the truth of it without actually partaking in a more lascivious deed.

The curtains rose and the show began, men of several different sorts, displaying themselves in lewd manners and scant clothing, often times women's, as they pranced about the stage.

Nothing.

So it wasn't a lack of attraction to women or men. The whole spectacle was appalling, displaying themselves in such manners. Perhaps he had no desire for love or romance residing in his body. He considered leaving, when another act began. The lights grew dimmer and a spotlight shone upon the curtains, the curtains having closed after the previous act. The pianist played a little ditty as a high heeled foot exposed itself from behind the curtain. A beautiful, well toned and muscular leg pushed out further, milky white skin contrasting with the black of the thigh high stocking. A black lace glove hand reached out and pulled the curtain back, the person behind it stepping out and revealing himself(?) fully as the ditty climaxed and came to an end.

Long red hair (or a a wig), flowed from the top of their head. They were slim and tall, their waist being shaped and formed into an hourglass shape by a black corset over a red bodice. The red and black skirt was bunched above the knees to expose the shapely legs and held in place by matching ribbons. The back of the skirt draped down behind them. Their face was quite pleasing, William found, as did everyone else it seemed by the reaction of the crowd.

The pianist began another song and the man, William assumed, opened his red painted lips and sang, strutting about the stage, stepping here and there every now and again in a bit of a dance. He was rather light on his feet and he was a very good singer, though William didn't find the song to his liking.

"Fisherman, fisherman, standing by the sea

Have you got a crayfish that you can sell to me

By the way side high diddly aye do

Yes sir, yes sir, that indeed I do

I have got a crayfish that I can sell to you

By the way side high diddly aye do

Well, I took the crayfish home, and I though he'd like a swim

So I filled up the chamber pot, and I threw the bastard in

By the way side high diddly aye do

In the middle of the night, I thought I'd have a fit

When my old lady got up to a-have a shit

By the way side high diddly aye do

Husband, husband, she cried out to me

The devil's in the chamber pot, and he's got hold of me

By the way side high diddly aye do

Children, children, bring the looking glass

Come and see the crayfish that bit your mother's arse

By the way side high diddly aye do

Children, children, did you hear the grunt

Come and see the crayfish that bit your mother's cunt

By the way side high diddly aye do

Well that's the end of my song; I don't give a fuck

There's a lemon up my asshole and you can have a suck

By the way side high diddly aye do."

The audience cheered and cat called at the red head. A few even joined in the song. "Jaqueline! Jack!" William heard several call out. Almost certainly a stage name, however, the redhead's name could be Jack. William left the theater a changed man, still picturing the redhead's bows and curtseys, blowing kisses as the audience applauded. He didn't believe in love at first sight, yet of all persons he'd encountered, man or woman, no one had made his heart flutter so.

Grell retired to his dressing room, smelling the bouquets that had arrived for him from his admirers. He had half undressed when the door opened and Starkis stood in its frame. "What now?" Grell sighed, irritated.

Starkis leered at him. "As I said before, you're washed up," he said, "Just as I said, an old bit like yours just ain't bringing in the coin like you used to. Tonight was your last performance."

Grell clenched a fist angrily. "Then you're blind as well as stupid, and deaf! Did you not see that crowd? They loved me. The house was practically full."

"Tonight, maybe," Starkis groused. "but I have no guarantees on the morrow. My mind's made up. Your wrinkled arse ain't good for nothin no more except perhaps for fucking and even that's debatable."

Grell's painted nails were around Starkis' throat, squeezing the breath out of him. Starkis fell back against the door, slamming it shut before fighting back. He pushed back, wrenching Grell's hands free. Grell scratched at his face when he came at him. If Starkis had any hair, he would have pulled it. A coat rack pressed sharply into Grell's back as Starkis' meaty hands closed around his throat. Grell reached around for something to defend himself, his fingers landing on a hat pin sticking out of one of the hats hanging from the top of the rack. Grell pulled it free and plunged it Starkis' eye.

Starkis released Grell in pain and shock, reaching up to cover his wounded eye as Grell removed the pin. Full of rage and anger, Grell thrust the pin into Starkis' neck repeatedly, grinning like a madman as drops of red blood fell upon his skin. The man gurgled on the red fluid, falling to the floor. Grell gave him a few good kicks with his heeled shoes for good measure, before looking down and smiling. He rolled the body, shoving it under the couch for now, the fabric trim hanging down to hide the feet of the couch as well as the body.

Grell smiled to himself, happy as a clam as he sat down in front of the dressing table, tossing the blood stained at pin aside.

"Never go walking out without your hat pin.

Not even to some very classy joints.

For when a fellow sees you've got a hat pin

He's very much more apt to get the point."

Grell sang merrily as he wiped away the blood.

"My mama, too, set quite a bad example.

She never heeded Grandmama's advice.

She found that if you give a man a sample-"

Grell was interrupted by a knock on the door. "Come in~," Grell sang.

William found himself lingering outside the theater. The air smelled of oncoming rain and he had regretfully forgotten to bring an umbrella. He clenched his fist, at war with himself. He wandered around the outside of the theater, eventually winding up at a side entrance. William stared it down a moment before letting himself in to the back of the theater. If there was a guard, he wasn't on post. William did his best to look inconspicuous as he searched for the redhead. A door slammed somewhere, but none seemed to pay it much mind except for a passing burly Scott and a smaller man, puny compared to the Scott who had his arm wrapped around the smaller as he led him towards the exit.

"Red and the boss at it again, sounds like," said the Scottsman.

"Those two fight more than cats and dogs," sighed the smaller man.

William tried to determine where the sound had come from and made his way in that direction. Soon, the sultry, beautiful voice of the redhead raised up in song, drawing William near. He followed the voice to a red door with a golden star painted on it. With a slight hesitation, William knocked. "Come in~," sang the invite. William opened the door. He blushed furiously at the sight of the redhead who sat almost naked before him. "I apologise for the intrusion. I'll come back at a better time," William all but stuttered out, seeing the flowers from the redhead's admirers and noting his own empty hands. He was a complete and utter fool for coming here.

Grell looked at his intruder curiously. He didn't know whether he should be on his guard or laugh at the funny man in the trench coat, collar pulled high and the brim of his homberg pulled low. Very suspicious indeed. So Grell decided on both, laughing, but keeping a close eye on the movements of the stranger. "Come now. I'm not going to bite. Not unless you give me reason to," Grell said and smiled a toothy grin, showing his oddly shaped teeth, pointed and sharp. "Come now, who are? What do you want?"

"I...I came to...congratulate you on your performance tonight."

Grell's smile broadened, clasping his hands together in delight. "Oh? You liked my little song?"

"No," William answered bluntly, causing Grell to frown in confusion. "The song wasn't to my liking, however, you sang it well and your step was light."

"It is customary for my public to send me flowers and such to honor me," remarked Grell, who had also noted the empty hands of the stranger, however, perhaps he had brought him jewels. It wasn't terribly common, but had happened in the past from some of his more wealthier patrons.

"I had not thought…" William struggled for a suitable answer and urged himself to run out the door and not look back, but his feet stayed stubbornly in place.

"This is your first time to an establishment like mine and had not expected to fall in love with the glorious Grell Sutcliff and enjoy yourself so," Grell finished for him. That may explain the get up, he thought. Anonymity was a common desire there. "But I'm so glad you enjoyed yourself in the end. Wasn't little Erica's performance so adorable? He was the mousey little thing with the song about the flowers. He and his boyfriend make the cutest couple."

"Yours is the only performance I enjoyed," said William, stopping the redhead's rambles. "And even then, I didn't care for the song."

"Oh?" Grell was deeply interested in this man now. This man who mocked and applauded him in the same breath. "Well, then, what song would you like to hear? Come back tomorrow and I'll sing it just for you. I'll dedicate my number to the funny man in the funny hat and funny coat who took it upon himself to visit me in my dressing room with nary a gift and me in my trolleys." He laughed, amused at the situation.

William frowned. "I did not come here to be mocked and not by the likes of you."

"The likes of me?" Grell repeated slowly. "I beg your pardon, but it is I who will not be mocked. You come to my place and have the audacity to flaunt your airs and think you're better than me?" Grell let out a barking laugh. "Ha! Oh, no, you've got it all wrong, darling. I know what I am. I am what I am and proud of it. So what does that make you?"

"Not some sort of trollop who goes prancing about on stage in naught but my undergarments, I assure you," William bit back, growing defensive at the truth put before him. "Or try to make my coin lying on my back."

Grell stood at the insinuation, marching over to him. William's cheek was now stinging and he was certain the redhead's hand had left a mark. "This is not that kind of place," seethed Grell. "Yes, we bare ourselves, act provocatively, but no one lays a hand on us or pays us for a fuck. Not as a rule. What the others do in their own time is their business, not the business of this establishment."

"I was out of line," William conceded in a calmer voice.

"I dare say! We here at the Ivy Bush may not be the most reputable sort, but we have our standards. I do not give myself so freely. My gorgeous body comes with a high price, no one has been able to pay."

William laid a hand to his smarting cheek.and adjusted his glasses. "I apologize if I have offended you." His eyes inadvertently flicked downward, realizing the redhead was still practically naked. He blushed furiously once again, his eyes lingering on the red jewel that sparkled from the other's navel.

Grell put his hands on his hips and wore a feral grin. "Like what you see?" William straightened, his eyes snapping up. Grell stood, looking at him, hip jutted out in a sassy manner with his hands upon them. 'Cheeky devil,' thought Grell. 'The nerve. Still, he is kind of handsome, in a plain, mediocre way. The poor sod is twitterpated.'

"Well, this has been an interesting visit," said Grell in a haughty manner. "Thank you for your kind visit, but now I must seek my respite." He held his hand out to allow the peasant to kiss the queen's hand. William glanced at the proffered hand and gave a stiff half-bow in response. So cold and so handsome! It sent shivers down the redhead's spine. Someone should show this hunk what love between man and man. Pop his cherry. And who better to learn from than the greatest lover in the world?

Grell grabbed him roughly by the collar of his coat pulled him into a rough kiss. Surprised at first, William returned the kiss eagerly, overcome with desire. He ignored the warnings and anxieties in his head. Grell felt his heart flutter at the stranger's aggressive passion. This would be a memorable bedding, Grell thought as he led the man to the couch. He pushed him down onto it and straddled him, distracting him with kisses. He could feel the man's burgeoning prick of promising girth pressing against him.While size wasn't everything, Grell preferred them big. He liked pain and being stretched to his limits.

Grell removed William's hat and tossed it aside before attempting to open the man's clothing as William's hands roamed around his slender frame. Moaning, Grell rolled his hips, grinding against William's cock. William's eyes opened wide, reality hitting him, of what he was about to do with a complete and total stranger. He sat up, shoving Grell off of him with a quick apology. Then he ran out the door like a frightened hare, leaving his hat behind.

"Well, how do you like that?" muttered Grell in a sulky manner, getting up and collecting the forgotten hat and straightening the brim. "What an interesting hunk of a man. I do hope he comes back to retrieve you," Grell spoke to the hat. He continued to examine the curious hat as he carried it to the coat rack and hung it amongst the other hats hanging from it. "Which reminds me…"

Grell went back over to the couch and lifted it, moving it aside to reveal the dead body. "What the devil am I going to do with you? Disgusting lump of flesh," he sneered, "Staining this expensive carpet Even if it is with my favorite color, it isn't a nice thing to do. Oh well, the couch can hide it for now. Leastways until the carpet can be cleaned or replaced."

The comings and goings of the others outside had lulled to a still silence by the time Grell had finished changing and removing his makeup. Finally, he pulled the long red hair from the top of his head. How he wished it were truly that color. Red and gorgeous instead of the ugly brown reality that he tied up in a red bow to keep it out of the way making him look meek and humble, especially when paired with the broad rim glasses he placed in front of his green eyes. He sighed as he carefully brushed out the wig before putting it in a safe place.

Grell looked at his real image in the mirror. From glamor to misery. He sighed again before returning to the body and contemplated on how best to dispose of it.

It wasn't until he was home amongst his pigeons that William felt his heart beat again. The closest of his companions settled on his shoulder and William scratched her head gently. "You'll never guess what happened to Papa today." The pigeon cooed as if in answer. "I...I think I might have fallen in love. It's absurd. Love at first sight is fantastical nonsense. Honestly...and yet...and yet I feel drawn to this red being who's made menace of my heart."

oOo

You can listen to versions of the songs in this story here:

Never Go Out Walking Without Your Hat Pin: https/youtu.be/IWdecqH9lrc

The Crabfish Song: https/youtu.be/R7_ZyQsHm8k


End file.
